Anyone that knows me well can say that I don’t score very high on the empathy scale. It’s not that I don’t care… I really do. It’s just not natural for me to externally exude caring and empathy.
When a student had a tummy ache or wasn’t feeling well, my typical answer was:
“Ah, why don’t you go drink some water… that’ll help you feel better.”
My empathy fully believes that water is the cure for all the ails of life!
Part of pastoral duty is to visit parishioners that are in the hospital. This was not a natural or innate thing for me to do, and it made be VERY uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I felt that I was always very awkward in a hospital setting. This wasn’t always true for every person, though. If it was a student or a person that I knew well it was drastically different.
I think it might be better to say that my empathy is high for those I know, but an awkward empathy of sorts for those I didn’t know very well.
My favorite hospital visits were with Pastor Tim Young. We were on the pastoral staff team at Hayward Wesleyan Church for a season. Tim would exude care, compassion, and lavish empathy. I would marvel at Tim’s sincere focus and attention on the human we were visiting. Early on I would think Tim was putting on an act or more charitably that he was faking till he made it! I thought, surely no one cares that much! Now that was my LOW empathy talking. I realized quickly that Tim wasn’t faking at all! Tim truly loves other unconditionally. It’s his spiritual gift. Tim’s level of sincere empathy models the love that God has for us. Partnering in pastoral ministry with Tim Young helped challenge and shape me to trust God for the empathy he wants me to share this is appropriate for each moment. While my natural level of empathy is low, as a follower of Jesus and an agent in the kingdom of God, His Spirit, when I trust his direction, guides me to be what is most needed for that person in that moment.
It seems to me that all of life is being shaped by the Holy Spirit in doing what is supernatural, not just what is natural. If Jeremy is just natural, I can be a jerk. When I trust in God’s supernatural work, Jeremy can be a whole lot like Jesus and a whole lot less like natural Jeremy.
Holy Spirit, help. Help me be like you and not like me.
And thanks for your example of empathy, Tim!
Photo credit: Gemini Ai